#like its great that i can be queer i guess but everything is so quiet and corperate

[cipheramnesia]

I liked reading your horror movie takes. Can you recommend me some of your favs?

I have seen so many that it's hard to remember my all of my favorites. I'll mention some that I think don't get enough attention.

While I'm no longer as obsessed with it as I used to be, You're Next probably still sits at the top of the list of movies I tell everyone to watch, and which no one ever watches. In horror circles, it's well-known due to it's excellent writing and smart plot - a genre defying home invasion movie, and very likely what Hide & Seek cribbed all its best ideas from. I wish I knew what it is about You're Next that makes the non-horror fans so uninterested in giving it a chance, but they're all missing out on a great film.

People Under The Stairs has been steadily gaining attention, but at least once a month I find out someone has never heard of it. It's a kind of coming of age story about a black kid versus the white landlords who own all the buildings around where he lives, and I think Sinners is a good point of comparison to understand why it's so good. It's not quite as successful at everything as Sinners, but considering it's from the 1990s and made by whitest guy ever Wes Craven, it's pretty impressive that it's packed with similar layers of deep subtext, while being on the surface a pure work of horror comedy entertainment. If you're at all interested in horror, this still-obscure film is mandatory viewing.

I place Knives and Skin, as well as Perpetrator, together because they are by the same director, Jennifer Reeder, both reflecting a unique approach to film that sometimes feels almost Lynchian, and stories clearly derived from the point of view of a queer woman. At her best, she takes a quiet, meditative approach and leans heavily into dark, bloody dread. She also consistently maintains a diverse cast with queer characters.

I assume everyone has seen Attack the Block, but every time I think it's widely known, I find someone who missed out on what is hands-down the best creature feature of its decade. Teenage street gang versus alien monsters, what more can you want? In general, it's very rare to develop a film creature with an iconic design, so the fact that Attack the Block accomplished it makes it unique. For some general goofy fun old school practical effects robohorror, I suggest Death Machine and Hardware also.

Sound of Violence hardly seems to get any attention, but I think it's brilliant, and the legitimate heir to Videodrome. Also Videodrome. It's not much exaggeration to say the entire genre of body horror exists due to Videodrome's overt and subtextual transformation between video and flesh. Sound of Violence pursues similar ends but, as the title suggests, via audio.

I find myself referencing The Ranger pretty regularly. Another Jenn, Jennifer Wexler, has two feature films under her belt which are both good, but The Ranger stands out in my mind because of how much it's a traditional survival / slasher horror under the hood, but makes so much more of the conceits in those types of movies than most other big budget female protagonist horror films. Her other film is also excellent, but The Ranger is the kind of movie which will ruin dozens of other films, because you won't be able to stop wishing they handled their material as skillfully as The Ranger. You may also enjoy Abigail (the one from 2023, not the one from 2019, not the one from 2024), which is a bit rough in places but really carries through with its finale.

Greener Grass defies description in many ways, or rather it's easily cataloged into a series of bafflingly strange and painfully uncomfortable scenarios, but as a complete movie it's difficult to place. It could be called arthouse, surreal, drama, etc in addition to or outside of horror. But if you're all out of John Waters and David Lynch, yet still craving something of that suburbia nightmare, put down the Tim Burton movie - drop it. Drop it! Okay. Then watch Greener Grass.

I guess also shout out to extremely fuckable looking writer/director Adam Egypt Mortimer for his trifecta of a "nothing but underseen and unappreciated bangers" career in Daniel Isn't Real (2019), Archenemy (2020), and Some Kind of Hate (2015). Special mention of best haunting movie ever They Are Still Here, and greatest spin on the tired cannibal redneck cliche in Lowlifes.

[sirshio]

Lowkey got into ship that absolutely no one ships except myself :< I believe that there are not so many people who knows or remembers these characters, either.

Great, Shio, get yourself into an Agatha Christie's novel and make a wlw ship with two women, one of whom dies near the beginning of the story and second is barely mentioned ONCE. What can possibly go wrong.

Carlotta Adams and Rachel Dortheimer from "Lord Edgeware dies" because someone clearly needs more queer Jews I really enjoy mlm and wlw ships between Lady Christie's minor characters!

Carlotta is a talented and skilled actress, and Rachel's family loves theater and cinema ♡ actually a good base to begin a relationship! Ah wait, didn't I mentioned that Carlotta dies in first chapters? Well, I did, but she doesn't and I'm delusional I actually have an AU where she lives! A murderer (I won't tell you who it is, maybe you'll want to read this book) attempted to kill her, but failed! She's still alive and very cautious, because Poirot who canonicaly was worried about her told her she must never let her guard down.

Well, what do we know about Carlotta?

- she is Jewish (as Christie writes, with "Semitic ancestry")

- she was born in America

- she has a younger sister whom she very, very cares about

- she is a modest, serious, intelligent, well-educated, introverted, compassionate and noble young woman

- she has a phobia of drugs

- she drinks a cup of hot milk before sleep

- she is loved by her maid who is devoted to ger and says she is a true lady

- she probably had a little crush on some selfish and shallow actor who clearly doesn't deserve my girl!

- aside from him (we do not know much, it could be she liked this Bryan as a friend), she had no interest in men

- she knows (and very probably likes) Sappho AH YES THIS IS A SIGN YOU CANNOT MAKE A FEMALE CHARACTER LIKE SAPPHO AND TELL US SHE IS STRAIGHT

well actually Christie never told us Carlotta is straight...

- Poirot claims that she loves money (ugh), but later it turns out this is all because she wants to take care of her sister who has a weak health and dreams to live with her together and Carlotta's current income isn't high enough for two people

- oh my god, I even got myself busy in finding quotes about her appearance! Here they are:

"It was one of those mobile sensitive faces that preeminently lend themselves to the art of mimicry. It could take on an alien character easily, but it had no very recognizable character of its own"

"She was a quiet girl with a pleasant low voice. I studied her with some attention now that I had a chance to do so at close quarters. She had, I thought, distinct charm, but charm of a somewhat negative order. It consisted in an absence of any jarring or strident note. She was a kind of personified soft agreement. Her very appearance was negative. Soft dark hair, eyes a rather colourless pale blue, pale face and a mobile sensitive mouth. A face that you liked but that you would find it hard to know again if you were to meet her, say, in different clothes".

And what do we know about Rachel? Almost nothing, and almost everything of it are stereotypes, sadly.

- her parents are very rich and love arts

- she has a "long Jewish nose" (not my words, it was Ronald who said them)

- she is probably swarthy (I dunno, but I took my guess from Ronald's words again who said something like "a fair - not, actually dark - lady")

- and she wears a lot of expensive jewelry (at least earrings)

- maybe she can't dance. Or maybe that Ronald can't, because all we know is that his arm is stiff after their dancing

- and, according again to Ronald, "she’s much too sensible a girl to take me, anyway"

These grains of information are all provided by a English nobleman who is very likely to be slightly antisemitic :(

(no, that Ronald didn't feel anything for Rachel, he spent time with her only because of her family's wealth and left this practice when he inherited a title and money from his uncle)

Well! I have some ideas about these girls!

- Carlotta is her stage pseudonym, her name is Esther. Why? Because I hate the name "Carlotta" and "Esther" is pretty and actually suits her better and also it's Jewish

- Rachel's parents are more "classic" than she is, Adams is too modern and experimental actress for them, but she is delighted by her performances - and this is how they met

- they both are intelligent and well-educated young women who love theater, music, poetry and other kinds of arts, so they can discuss them a lot and read Sappho's poems together

- Rachel is an only child (otherwise her siblings would've been mentioned), but she's always wanted a sibling so she thinks Esther (I will call Carlotta by this name, if you please) is happy and lucky to have a sister - and listens Esther's stories about her with a pleasure

- eventually Esther becomes more popular (not without some promotion from Rachel), begins to earn more money and gets a wealthy sponsor in the face of mr Corner (another rich Jew, nice but eccentric old man). So! She finally is able to let her sister to live with her! She introduces her to Rachel who has been waiting to see her in personal and actually get acquainted :)

- Esther also chats with Bryan and understands he is too... plain and boring for her. He is nice enough to meet and chat sometimes, but for something else he isn't enough. At least for such a woman as herself. Bryan marries her close friend Jenny (it's canon), and Esther is happy for them!

- also I believe that Rachel clocked Ronald's motivation at their first meeting (at least, she is used to her parents trying to marry her off and to find her a husband) and just tolerated him because he can be funny and interesting (as much as I dislike him, he is no idiot and quite educated), but felt relieved when he got another source of money

- they both may talk a little about men in their lives (believe me, this crazy idea of mine sure will pass Bechdel's test because Rachel and Esther have a lot of themes to talk to, and I even mentioned them!) and agree these two men in particular weren't good enough for them

- have a little idea that Rachel was so invested in theater when she was a kid that her parents helped her create a home theater of her very own and even attended her stage performances (and maybe other members of the family and their friends too!). When he became older she wasn't such a fan, but kept some of that passion, of course. So what if she told Esther about it and she offered to create performances together? Maybe privately, for two of them (and maybe some other people who are worthy). And even if Rachel's parents would be against the idea of their precious daughter being an actual actress (not prestigious enough!), she still would have this form of leisure and fun with Esther ♡

- I have an idea that Esther is a demisexual/demiromantic (as I am, and I LOVE giving my favorite characters my sexualities), so it takes time and emotional bond to feel romantic/sexual attraction to someone. So the girls should become close and good friends first!

- I haven't thought about how they actually realized they have *something* for each other, something that is clearly beyond a friendship, but I really like to imagine them being to concerts, in theaters, in cinema, maybe, in restaurants, in expensive shops... Esther is too independent to have a sugar mommy let somebody pay for her, so it has to wait till her income will be high enough

- also I imagine a little age gap between them. As I see, Esther is in her mid to late 20s, let's say she's 24-29, and Rachel is younger, maybe 20 or a bit older than that

Please, if you see this and you're interested, TALK TO ME about them! I need it! Even if you don't know the book!

P.S. reread post before posting it... "Lowkey", said he and proceeded to write all this. Haha, classic Shio.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hi!

🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮, 🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞, ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

Hi :)

30 for 🦮:

---

 She rummages around until she finds what appears to be an old photograph print. Four by six. She slides it across the table to Buck. 

“This is him,” Maddie says. “Daniel.”

Daniel?

Hands shaking, Buck grabs the photo. He lifts it closer to his face. The child in the photo is a dead ringer for Buck at the same age. He’d almost ask her if she’s sure it’s not just him. Except it’s not their house he’s sitting on a bike out front of. And there’s no birthmark, when he looks closer. 

“He was two years younger than me,” Maddie says. “He died before your first birthday. That’s why you don’t remember him.”

Buck shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

“He got sick,” Maddie says. “The doctors tried everything to save him, but… Well, it didn’t work.”

This isn’t real. This can’t be real. There are too many questions bouncing around his head. Like bullets ricocheting off the walls of his skull. There is so much noise, even though they’ve both fallen completely silent. 

“Uh…” He trails off. “I guess, first… I’m sorry, Maddie.”

Maddie looks at the surface of the table, avoiding his gaze. 

---

30 for 🪞:

---

Dove is quiet. 

That’s probably okay. It’s probably okay for her to be quiet and process. But Buck is too anxious and heartbroken to let the moment just sit. 

“It’s not your fault no one has said it before,” Buck tells her. “You are so special and loveable. And I’m going to tell you every single day, so you don’t forget it, okay?”

At this, Dove starts to cry. Buck worries he’s said the exact wrong thing. This is hard. 

“Sweetie, it’s okay,” he says, rubbing her shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“So you won’t send me back?” She blubbers.

“What?” Buck gapes. “Oh god. No, Dove. No, I am not going to send you back. This is your home now.”

She takes deep, gulping breaths like she can’t get enough air. Buck thinks he may need to get her puffer. But is this an asthma attack or a panic attack? And if it’s the latter, what the hell does he do?

“Can you breathe?” He asks her. “In through the nose, okay?”

He models breathing, and she follows along. She manages to regulate herself, much to Buck’s relief. 

“You’re okay,” he promises. “You’re gonna be okay.”

---

30 for ⚡️:

---

 Maybe that’s confirmation bias. Whatever. Eddie has given up trying to be more rational than his husband. When he became his husband. Easier to lean into it, it turns out. 

The point is, things keep lining out. Moving them in the right direction. And Eddie has to wonder… If there is a destiny or a fate or whatever, is life just easier when you surrender to it? Because things used to feel so hard. When he was fighting himself all the time. 

Take, for example, the whole baby thing. Which Eddie maybe could be stressing about a whole lot right now, considering how much extra work it will take for them to accomplish versus the last time he did. In which his initial work was very minimal. He could be panicking, but he’s not. Because things are just kind of… Going the way they’re meant to go? It’s novel, really. 

Buck had come to him with an idea. Name the baby after Bobby, assuming it’s a boy. Which Eddie thinks they will be - he will be - because that’s just what Eddie thinks. So Eddie had said yes, as long as Buck actually talked to Bobby. Which Buck did, and it went great for them. And just like that, the universe - if it’s a thing - seems to be taking care of them. Because not even a full month later, the LAFD changes its benefits policy. They are now covering a wide range of costs related to family planning and fertility. Including a decent chunk of the costs of IVF for surrogacy. 

Eddie doesn’t think this was meant to be a win for queer men, as much as it is one. Likely, a much more selfish motive passed that change. More female firefighters opting to go the surrogate route, and therefore not getting pregnant themselves. Better for business, in the eyes of the LAFD. 

[sneeblbop]

rambles to me abt moonfall to me. do it. I want to know everything you have for me. rrrggg

there are actually a few posts where I've explained most of the lore I think. this one was actually an ask game so there's a few other things there but I do talk abt moonfall a bit. This one was a bit more fledged out and definitely explained the au overall a bit better. And this one was a few more specific questions abt the au (WHICH I LOVE RECIEVING BTW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HELPS A TON !!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Anyways I think the first chapter will be Sun and Moon's perspective. I want to try to show their dynamic before everything that happens.

As I explained in one of the prev posts- they're everything to each other, which you can interpret however you want, but personally I like to think they're queer platonic :)

And since this will start pre-glitch we get to see Moon as the actual naptime attendant !!!!!

Pre-glitch he's calm (as much as you can be as a daycare attendant) but also still fits the jester theme. Sillay !!!

After the glitch (or the start of it) at first the most that happens is they get a little more easily aggravated or short tempered. (Which can also be normal for them, but not as often as it is after the glitch.) And they've never experienced wanting to really actually hurt someone.

so yeah then everything happens yk

anyways I'm thinking the Glamrocks and dj will be introduced in the second chapter maaaybe when the reader comes in. Probably just freddy first and then everyone else later.

Still thinking abt how I want to write them, so ill get back to that later sometime.

I haven't really thought abt ocs or background characters yet, but I tthiink I'm going to put a few more workers in so that it isn't weird that the reader is the only one there. Probably just a mechanic and handlers or whatever since the staff bots do literally everything else but yeah. They don't actually have to really be present and relevant but lmk what you think.

Anyways I'm going to copy this here bc its easier to put all of this together when I have questions to answer !!! (I will most likely forget i was answering a question and start rambling btw)

Stakes - What would happen if the protagonist failed? Would it really be such a bad thing if it happened?

The goal is to ofc figure out the virus and all that. What caused it in the first place? When did it first happen? What causes them to be aggressive? etc.

Now obviously we don't know about it as soon as we're hired. It's not like we just barge into the daycare like "eurrhhhmmm why are you like that😡😡😡" (which is actually why I was considering the reader knowing the dca before the virus but yk)

We'll meet Sun first (since he's right next to the gift shop + we have storage for the daycare in there so we have to meet him anyways,) and id say he'd be a bit better at patience and not losing his temper since he's the one who deals with kids and parents on a daily basis.

Moon, however- has only ever known putting everyone to bed and being quiet. Which, btw, is HECTIC. I've never in my life been able to round up a bunch of kids so easily when I worked in a daycare. Those mfs will FIGHT you abt it they will NOT go down easy. But I guess being a 7 foot tall jester animatronic has its benefits. anyways.

He would not handle overstimulation well. Especially with the virus.

He'll probably make a not so great first impression. Liike maybe the first few nights or so he'll chase you out of the building as soon as you exit the safety of the lights in the gift shop.

The first time you screamed like a little girl when you saw a demonic ass spider thing crawling at you upside-down on all fours and threw a flashlight at him (not appreciated.) The next couple of times it was kind of just a game to him. (you are shitting your pants HELP)

Eventually Moon just ends up waiting for you right outside the gift shops doors and he is SO hyped and ready to play YAYYY !!!!!!!!!!! (you're shittING YUOR PAANTS)

At some point it becomes a game and you become friends and all that. Also i thhiiink maybe ill let Sun out to the gift shop to grab supplies or we'll just bring them to him (which would make more sense but GHRHRR there's really not much I can do with Sun if he can only ever stay in the daycare. Maybe he'll just visit frequently ?? and that's how we become friends ?? I donr know HRLP) edit: yeah actually i think we'll just visit the daycare frequently, like before going into the gift shop to start working.

And besides just visiting we'll also be visiting to drop off supplies when needed !! Although Sun can lie abt needing restock :) if he feels inclined :))

anyways yeah the point is you'd like to be friends without dying maybe that'd be great ? yeah ??

We'll probably be able to tell that Sun and Moon don't like talking about each other. They swerve around the topic at any given chance. Obviously it wouldn't kill us not to know why but it is one of our goals too. Which is kiind of relevant to figuring out where everything started so ?? important ???

Urgency - How much time does the protagonist have to complete their goal? Are there multiple factors complicating the situation?

ii don't really think there will be a deadline, but I think the reader dealing with the job, possibly the vanny problem, and the dca is enough ?

Oh speaking of Vanessa.

I think she's also going to be pretty relevant in the story. at least at some point. AND were friends with her. YAHOO YIPEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will make a separate post about her some other time (when I have more planned out for her) but euhhm. Yeah we'll be awkward-ish acquaintances and at some point grow more comfortable. (Which will lead to Vanny eventually slipping up hehehoo)

Also AUUAOUHg vanessa okay.

Shes soso sillay. I actually really like her character ok. She is a theater kid. She is a scene girl. SHE MADE THAT SUIT ON HER OWN !!!! i love her mwamwam mwa who said that anyways

similarly to Sun, she's nice and not a bad person (ignoring the fact that she was manipulated into kidnapping children or whatever coughcough) but she still is a little iffy at times.

Sure she can be a little overly aggressive at times or not be able to read a room .but shes just like me fr ok its all good

ANYWAYS so the point is. were friends with vanessa. And we'll try to get her to help us figure out the virus when we realize she basically kind of has ? it ?? yk whatever. So on top of figuring out the dca we'll be helping her out too. yay !

OKAY i think i'm gonna stop there bc this ask has been in my drafts forever so here take it

[wawahenfield]

🐾PINNED POST🐺

I've been meaning to go on Tumblr a tad again, so i thought a good way to start would be with a big ol' pinned post to let everyone know who i am and what i'm about

okay so who the hell are you

i'm aurora/stelle! i'm a 23 y/o genderfluid person (sometimes wolf or dog), as well as an occasional writer and even more occasional streamer (over on twitch.tv/aurorahenfield)

i'm a huge fan of whatever has monsters or big beasties in it, whether it's dragons, aliens, dinosaurs, kaijus, birds - so long as it's big and/or scary, i'm usually gonna be close by justifying its actions by being like "but no it's really misunderstood :[" (which they usually are!)

great so what do you like

i'm big into movies and big into video games, at least when i can give em the time they deserve and need - as stated above, everything with big monsters is a favorite of mine (godzilla and monster hunter are my two favorites, though alien is very very close behind) but i also really enjoy horror movies in general!

as for games, i've been part of the undertale fandom ages ago but haven't really gone back there at all since then - i still hold a fondness for it and deltarune, as well as night in the woods, monster hunter, hollow knight, signalis..

i also dabbled with fighting games, but i'm not exactly GOOD at them per se, if at all - i guess i'm better than most new players, but i don't keep the advantage for long once i'm against someone who knows what they're doing

what should i call you also you're really hard to visualize

that's okay! i'm genderfluid and will usually choose between a more masculine gender expression or a more feminine one depending on a ton of parameters - could be the weather, my mood, what i wanna wear.. i'm always a liquid basically

as for pronouns, she/her and they/them are safe bets! it/its is rarer but i won't be mad at you for using it. the one i don't want is he/him, i'm still experimenting with it being used to adress me, and i prefer to keep it only for the closest of friends.

if you wanna know what i'm like, imagine a scary goth mommy one day and a cute witch librarian the next, something like that-

kinks?

yes, plenty of em - i'm lazy so i won't list them, but i have a pretty bad oral fixation, while also being into petplay (as demonstrated by my dog coded self) - i'm also a raging lesbian and love yuri (bonus points for T4T) AND i'm also a fiend for any TF-related stuff, transformation makes me happy (bonus points if it's monster-related, unsurprisingly)

anything else

sure! i write sometimes and i have a trove of OCs i'll sometimes do stuff with, sometimes won't. i've been frequenting FList for a while but don't use it anymore, though i'm keeping a ton of characters from it.

there's mainly Aurora and her found family, but also PCL (Project Case Lavender), a Pokémon fan setting i've been working on and brainstorming for ages that will have something done with it.. one day, maybe!

✨BONUS ROUND✨

favorite monsters/beasties

-xenomorphs -spinosaurus -wraith from evolve -zinogre -indominus rex and indoraptor

favorite plane -F22 Raptor hehehe

favorite food -custard pie -mussels

favorite console -nintendo 3DS!

so yeah, that's about it! i do tend to run away from social spaces sometimes so if i go quiet at any point, i shouuuuld be okay, hopefully. maybe.

if you're queer and would like to become mutes, go right ahead! i like meeting new people a whole ton, though my brain makes me forget em sometimes (and i hate it)

<3

[goremet-chef]

three of my sotf ocs bpd havers? seems right

i guess it makes sense, and i dont know how to connect with characters that arent mentally ill somehow 😭 like i literally. i had to blast jupe with my autism beam to connect to him (threw on asexual too cuz aspec bitches get it)

and i made monty queer but queer isnt enough this mans life fell into shambles after his wife left cuz he was obsessed with her!!!!! and he didnt think he could ever live without her but now hes forced to, so hes impulsive and bitter, doing shit that he knows isnt good for him and he doesnt care. he'll do anything to fill that void, he'll fill it with loveless flings and alcohol, late night drives to nowhere just to FEEL something. anything that can deliver him from pain, he'll take no matter how poisonous it might be

yes 😁 and honestly. him and cicero have a lot of beef for PLENTY of reasons but i feel like they can find common ground there. like later on in their island experience ofc cuz monty isnt finding ANY common ground with ANYONE at first. but once theyre becoming more focused on survival and looking after each other, i can see that happening. also could explain why they fight so much, bpd rage is INTENSE and it just like. creeps up out of nowhere like one second yr fine and then tick tick tick 💥💥💥 youve never been so mad in yr life

idk just helps me love him more, knowing he deals with things that i deal with too. like wow!!! i love him so much, im gonna give him the most painful aspect of my life :]]

other one is shark, just cuz honestly yeah. id say quiet bpd is more accurate, that feeling of shame and guilt about everything and the horrible fear of abandonment, very sharkcore 👍 sees himself as the worst thing on the island but even still he tries so hard to endear himself to yarrow and cicero because theyre the only people who havent turned their backs on him. he thinks they inevitably will, so he tries his hardest to lengthen the time he has with them. will go out of his way to not be selfish around them (to some extent, its honestly just in his nature)

if only he knew they would never leave him!!! yarrow cant see all that because shark keeps it decently hidden, any fear he feels can be easily passed off as regular old anxiety cuz they live in hell yknow. he just knows he loves shark, and he left literally everything hes ever know behind to be with someone who hes only known for like. 3 years max okay like. hes infatuated hes. all these little things shark cant see behind his fear, the fact that yarrow feels motivated enough to work twice as hard just by being around shark, how he delivers him his meal without him even asking. like. GODDDD little things yarrow doesnt even think twice about, he doesnt question why he does these things, he just wants to.

SICKENING the amount of love he has for him. for someone who really doesnt deserve it!!!! and yet :]

also cicero shark FP boyfriends is my favorite timeline, like yeah having someone who can match that level of love probably feels great. and then yarrow getting showered in love all the time cuz his bfs are madly in love with him (obviously, who wouldnt be?)

me stop inflicting bpd on my ocs challenge (literally impossible)

[sol1loqu1st]

worried i am never going to adjust to Midwestern Culture(tm) and i'm always going to be an obvious outsider and people are going to judge me and assume i'm a dumb backwater conservative for my mannerisms and if my southern accent ever slips out lmao

[tomystars]

dissecting episode 1

(under the microscope. im mostly dissecting jaewon hes so interesting to study as a queer person myself, smiles)

ignoring the very first clip which shows waves and someone grabbing someone else... a bit confusing i dont have many thoughts about this.

ANYWAY ! we first see jaewon sitting on a couch in a office perhaps? with an aquarium (we see this again on the intro of episode 2 and if you see the trailer theres a close up of his face on the same place as well) and a women sits down in front of him and asks him what his worries are. now i cant make much sense of her behaviour cause she suddenly starts laughing? but id think shes some sort of counselor. now this could be for 2 reasons: one. he just left the military after finishing his mandatory time and it might be a thing they do? or two some other reason we dont know most likely. TRAUMA shocking i know.

then we have the restaurant scene. we see jaewon talking with his friends but his face changes when his friends keeps talking about how jaewon has a great life and connections and money and everything he wants and i dont want to state the obvious but... thats clearly not the case which is why we can see jaewon upset with the conversation even though he doesnt say anything about it and even forgives his friend... his relationship with his parents is most likely not the best and we can see that by the messages his mom sends and the way we can just see him in front of his gate but not getting inside.

then. their first real scene. jaewon asks jihyun for a cigarette he goes and grabs TWO which surprises jaewon a little bit and makes him happier probably because thats different not a lot of people would do that. they talk but its very casual like and somehow jaewon mentions a "동생" and gets real quiet, as if something had happened with that person. now, its translated as "younger brother/sister" because thats the only english word that it can translate to EVEN THOUGH (and im saying this as someone with very limited korean language knowledge) its not the most correct one because its just a word that people use to call someone whos younger than them (yes siblings count lol). so is he talking about a younger sibling or someone else? who knows.

when his friends grab him to go home he leaves but he isnt expecting for jihyun to just grab his hand and give him a lighter (it was such an intimate scene as well, very queer coded) and THATS what caught jaewons attention. because at first he was just making conversation, but that small moment changed how the path of their futures (hope im not getting too philosophical), and he even stopped and looked as jihyun left.

fast foward next day, jihyun sees jaewon and goes afterhim but loses him and finds the poster for free bird instead (soulmatism i say). and its at this point i realize i havent spoken much abour jihyun so ill start now. we know hes a small town boy, isnt used to such a big city like seoul and is even confused with all this new stuff hes seeing. thats how jaewon and him are different. to me, jihyuns fear is based on unfamiliarity and the unknown, hes still getting to know all these new things that hes never known before and thats why he later mentions that thats the reason he signed up for the surf club. he doesnt really know how to swim but he wants to try and face this new challenge onwards. jaewons fear is more rooted on past experiences and trauma is my guess. he knows who he is but hes scared or hes scared of the result if he tries something. i think its going to start to get better the more he gets to know jihyun and the more he gets comfortable with him.

the cafeteria. jihyuns eating alone and jaewon is suddenly there and thanking him for the other day (he means it. that second cigarette probably was everything to him at that time) and starts to get a bit bold with him, and asking him why he didnt call and at this point there are so many jihyun reactions where you can just tell how this type of relationship is new to him but also how he wants to explore it and find out where it takes him.

we can see that when he meets jaewon again outside the restaurant and says "if we're going to be friends we need to know each others names" and jaewons truly gets a bit paralysed? confused? about it, he wasnt expecting jihyung to say something like that. tells him his name and leaves.

going a bit back, jaewon is at the same restaurant again. why? because he remembered that it was the restaurant jihyuns worked at and he convinced his friends to go inside with some excuse only to look for jihyun but... he wasnt there. things start to go downhill when his friends mention his ex who he wants to have nothing to do with and just wants to forget and one of them even invites her over! some friend he is... jaewon gets reasonably upset (ill talk about what i think happened with the break up on the ep2 essay bare with me), leaves and jihyun goes after him. in this scene i dont think jaewon is upset with him but it was a mixture of a lot of things, disappointment from not seeing jihyun when he was the reason he went to the restaurant in the first place, anger at his supposed friend inviting his ex who he doesnt like and thats why he says "i didnt see you earlier" with this really empty sort of expression.

and lastly, the very last scene. he sits with jihyun for two reasons: be away from his ex but also because he genuinely wants to continue whatever this relationship with jihyun is. it makes him happy and its different and GOOD something that he doesnt have a lot going around his life...

yea... thats it. my thoughts are all scattered but yea lets talk about it if u want i have so much to say still and i want to hear what everyone else is thinking and i also want to mention how much i love this already it was hook line sinker the first episode it. it just feels so raw and perfect and so queer coded to which is why i want to kind of gatekeep it from people who are just watching bc its u know... a bl (will i be persecuted like the witches used to by saying this... hm)

the playlist is so good as well been on repeat for hours

[ranchthoughts]

thoughts on Tinn, his mother, and coming out

Tinn’s mother is a busy career lady, but MSP does show us she adores her son and tries to engage with him and spend time with him. As the show progresses, she realizes her son isn’t telling her everything, that there are parts of his life she doesn’t know about. And so she tries, good-naturedly, not too pressing, to get him to open up about his life, but in her attempts to do so misses the mark.

Like when she asks “Do you have a crush on any one?” and Tinn gears himself up to tell her the truth, but then she says “is it [this girl] in the student council? or [that girl]?” and we watch Tinn deflate a bit as he realizes he is going to have to do that extra bit of queer labour to both come out to her and tell her who he has a crush on, so he leaves it.

It’s just... a quintessential queer moment - the “I have great parents. They are loving and haven’t said anything against queer people. But I don’t know for SURE that they will love and accept me, that things won’t change between us if I come out” that I think a lot of people, myself included, can relate to. The fear and hesitation that comes with coming out to someone, even someone you think you know well and you think (hope) you can trust.

And MSP shows us the other side of it, which is interesting - Tinn’s mom sees a call come through on Tinn’s phone from Gun, and she clocks the heart emoji in the name and the cute photo that is the profile picture, and we see her realize, maybe, what she’s been missing. Side note: I love that she picks up Tinn’s phone as if to go through it (we see how much the knowledge that there’s something she doesn’t know is weighing on her) but crucially she does not actually go through it (she doesn’t invade his privacy, she has a good relationship with her son, there is trust there).

Another thought: at this point in MSP, the main hint we have that this show doesn’t take place in a “bubble” is Tinn’s hesitation with his mother; otherwise, Tinn, Gun, and their friends don’t seem to find queerness unusual or surprising, and there are no other indications that they live in a homophobic society. I assumed that this was a “bubble” show at first, like Semantic Error, where homophobia does not exist. But Tinn’s hesitation to tell his mother about Gun felt so quintessentially queer to me (especially paired with her first guesses for his crush being girls, and his reaction to that), I couldn’t shake the idea that this wasn’t a “bubble” show. And of course, in ep 12, we encounter the homophobia Tinn, Gun, and their friends are still facing.

But regardless, even if Tinn and his mother’s story wasn’t about being queer, it would still be relatable to me and others. Tinn’s mother assumes she knows him. And she does seem to know him pretty well, as they spend a lot of time together, but he’s growing up and becoming his own independent person, and he is never going to perfectly fit her imagined image of him, no matter how flexible and charitable she thinks it is. I think its especially telling that the main places we see them interact are on their way to and from school, and the main topics we see them discuss are school related (student council, exams, university applications and interviews, etc.). She’s the school principal, he’s the student council president and a smart nerd who spends a lot of time playing Scrabble. It’s easy for her to forget that that academic, quiet, well-behaved boy she sees and does most of her interacting with is not the sum of who he is. So even if Tinn isn’t hesitant to tell his mom about Gun for queer reasons, he can still be hesitant to tell her because, well, she doesn’t have a good impression of Gun or the music club, but also because this part of him (romantic, longing to date, etc.) does not fit with her pre-established conceptions of who he is. It can be hard to break the mold, to introduce parts of yourself that aren’t what people expect from you - there’s awkwardness, and fear, and a desire to not rock the boat, kind of like the feelings you get having to come out to someone. Even if you think or expect they will be understanding, there’s still uncertainty, there’s still the extra labour of having to re-introduce yourself, there’s still the adjustment as that person re-calibrates their expectations of you.

[swampstew]

Blind Date Event - Yamato X Reader

Thank you to everyone who submitted applications for my Blind Date Matchmaking Event. I hope you enjoy these lovely bedtime stories during this week of overpriced chocolates, flowers and heart shaped things.

Mostly fluff, SFW, Yamato(he/him) X GN(they/them) reader, first blind date experience. WC: 930. Minors DNI - my content is for mature audiences only

Yamato was practically bouncing in his chair at the ramen shop he had taken you for your blind date. The ride to the small restaurant was quiet as you held on to his waist. He had picked you up in his teal MotoTec Phantom 49cc – and not having ridden a motorcycle before – you were silent via anxiety as your arms gripped him tightly when he rounded corners. You didn’t see it happen, but the action made his face split with a smile each time.

The ramen shop is called Oden’s Pot. You were both new to match making so you’re both equally nervous. Excited jitters rippled through Yamato while the waiter refilled your glasses, taking your orders.

“_______ tell me more about yourself! We’ve been talking about my background and job as a bouncer at the hottest queer bar in the city but I really want to know more about you!”

You sip on your water as you try to summarize yourself in as few words as possible.

“Oh um, well I already told you about my job. Hum…I guess I’m just down to Earth. I enjoy simple pleasures like playing video games, watching movies and YouTube essays, and I’m a big fan of listening to music while I do art or other creative endeavors,��� you slowly trail off, hoping he won’t ask to see any of it.

“Wow can you show me your art?!”

Damn.

Fingers trembling, you pull out your phone to share one of your finished pieces. You’re quite proud of it, even if you won’t say so yourself, trying to downplay your own work.

“Nope, not buying that _____. Art is subjective, there is no grading scale that determines how good it is. If you feel proud of the work you put it, that’s the real value of your art. Personally, I’m not that great beside some doodling but THIS <points to your phone> is damn good!”

You smile bashfully. He said the same thing your close friends have told you countless times. You felt like you could share more of your artwork and not once did he subject you to unsolicited constructive criticism or ask you to draw him on the spot.

When your food arrived, you took turns playing 21 questions and other ice breaker games provided in the blind date packet you received from the Medium Matchmaker. Yamato was enthusiastic through it all, even during the slightly more uncomfortable games and topics that were suggested in the pack. You were skeptical of the whole idea when you saw the online application. However, now that you were here and actually enjoying Yamato’s company, you were glad your best friend forwarded you link.

Yamato wasn’t rude or aggressive with you like your previous disaster dates had been. He wasn’t some meathead gym bro even though he had impressive muscles on his tall body – he swears its hereditary, his family being from a different country. He’s incredibly handsome without being arrogant and you appreciated that. He was down to earth and easy to talk to. Being easy on the eyes and having magnificent hair was a bonus too, you felt butterflies in your stomach.

Not wanting the night to end, Yamato ordered several desserts for you to share. “I just want a taste of everything,” he speaks softly, blushing furiously as he drains his water. It made you giggle.

“Oh wait that’s not an innuendo!” alarm flashes on his face, sputtering water to the side. That made you laugh out loud; you reached out to pat his hand in understanding before he really panicked.

Through dessert, the topic of conversation got a little heavy. Yamato was brave enough to disclose the abuse he suffered from his father who raised him single handedly. Not because he wanted you to pity him but because he’s an open book. He has nothing to hide nor shame about his past. You were impressed with his strength, with his ability to cut out the toxicity from his life and move on to build himself up with no one else to support him. You felt like this is a person you can get close to. A person you can share intimate details of your life without fear that he’d freak out or reject you.

The ride back to your home was more relaxed. You felt secure in his company as he swerved between traffic; not once showing off in a way that would put you in harm’s way. He walked you up to your front door, fingers twitching as he considered how to end the night. Not quite wanting to leave but also not wanting to make assumptions.

“_____, I had a really nice time tonight. If you feel up to it, I would like to take you on another date. Maybe see that new blockbuster horror film that comes out on Friday?” He tapped his forefingers together nervously as your eyes widened.

You smile, “I had a nice time with you too. I’d love to see that film with you for our next date.”

He looked so relieved. “Yeah? Awesome! I can pick you up then, same time as tonight?”

“That sounds like a plan,” you twiddle with your keys in hand.

“I don’t want to be presumptuous but do you want to come inside? I could go for a cup of tea and some Mario Kart. Unless you don’t like the taste of dust as I leave you at the starting line.”

Yamato’s gorgeous orbs lit up, “Oh you’re SO on _____. I call dibs on the Flame Runner bike!!”

[lexa-gui]

Motivated by this poll post

Ahaaaa, time to share my brainrot with the world! \o/

Here's a cleaned up version of my ted talk that absolutely no one asked for on why 'Sunlight' by Hozier is the best merthur song:

The whole vibe of the song. It's incredibly reverential -- a perfect Merlin pov on Arthur.

Sunlight is a perfect and well-known analogy for Arthur in fandom -- the glorious golden airs and all that. Remember that scene in The wicked day where Arthur comes out of the room after spending all night mourning his father and you see him appearing over Merlin's shoudler basked in sunlight? Perfect visuals.

The song starts out with our POV subject shunning sunlight (for like 3 lines) -- I would shun the light, share in evening's cool and quiet/ Who would trade that hum of night/ For sunlight, sunlight, sunlight. What happens at the beginning of the show? Merlin meets arthur and he is *not* a fan.

(Rip Merlin's patience lol)

Immediately the POV subject changes his mind though, and goes on to say "But whose heart would not take flight?/ Betray the moon as acolyte/ On first and fierce affirming sight/ Of sunlight, sunlight, sunlight". And what happens? Merlin needs one (1) bit of attention and validation from Arthur in episode 2 to go: 'Oop, guess I'll devote my life to him'.

(Look at his boi, he is *so gone*)

"I had been lost to you, sunlight/ And flew like a moth to you, sunlight, oh, sunlight" -- The reverential tone remains, and I associate this part with 'Le mort d'Artur', when Merlin thought Arthur was lost to him, and refused to accept it. He did everything he could to stop it,

which leads us to: "All the tales the same/ Told before and told again" that can be associated with Merlin going above and beyond, riking his own life in the process, to save Arthur's. The cup is even a recurring symbol here.

"A soul that's born in cold and rain/ Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/ And at last can grant a name/ To a buried and a burning flame/ As love and its decisive pain/ Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight," this part would fit in great in a 'queer in a hostile world' narrative. One could say he's been denying that part of himself for incredibly long, but when it (sunlight/Arthur/love) shines, it's so absolute and consuming that there can only be one name for it even if he's never applied it before or didn't even think he knew how to.

And "love and it's decisive pain" also hammers in the fact that this is a tragedy, because (as we all well know) it ends in pain.

"All that was shown to me, sunlight/ Was somethin' foreknown to me, sunlight, oh sunlight" We can even take this literally for everytime Merlin told Arthur he would be 'the greatest king this land has ever known' so candidly it seemed he could feel it in his very bones. Because he's been told and retold about that prophecy so many times, and every little thing that Arthur does that implies he might be the man for it, just drive Merlin's determination further. It's something Merlin has known and believed with all his heart since almost the literal beginning.

"Oh, and these colors fade for you only/ Hold me, carry me slowly, my sunlight" Merlin's mood is almost 99% of the time related to Arthur. When he's down and Arthur mentions he hasn't smiled for 3 days -- it's about him -- everytime he's sad about his impeding doom, he's the one causing it to save Arthur from the same fate -- plus we have all those times where he's sad because Arthur's not appreciating him or is mean to him, etc.

"Each day, you'd rise with me/ Know that I would gladly be/ The Icarus to your certainty" I really love this part (and the next). Here we can see that Merlin is always by Arthur's side, every single day ("He's always been there -- at Arthur's side" from Gwen), and he knows to some degree of certainty that the affection and care he feels for Arthur is somewhat returned (Servant of Two Masters) -- or even the certainty that Arthur is alive and well and ruling would be enough. It just emboldens his devotion and willingness to do everything and anything to protect him ("Whatever I have to do, I will do. His life is worth a 100 of mine." to Nimueh), including giving up his own life, like we see time and time again. And Arthur is the sun in this analogy, so Merlin being Icarus means he doesn't care whether he singes his wings if he gets too close to him -- because it's worth it ("I'm happy to be your servant, until the day I die" to Arthur). He doesn't care what happens to him as long as he can be at his side ("I swear I will protect you or die at your side"). Which we also see time and time again, and Merlin's own priorities change from 'bringing magic back to the land' -- his destiny -- to keeping Arthur alive. He gives up on magic and betrays his own kind for Arthur in The Disir ("There can be no place for magic in Camelot").

(the certainty of Arthur's care, which they so rudely cut from the show :(( )

And this part just reaffirms this: "Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight/ Strap the wing to me/ Death trap clad happily/ With wax melted, I'd meet the sea/ Under sunlight, sunlight, sunlight". He'd happily go to his death -- for Arthur.

And then it just ends and goes on with "Oh, your love is sunlight/ Oh, your love is sunlight/ But it is sunlight" Which would again be an analogy for Arthur's love <3.

And this ted talk has been completed.

(Also if you wanna check out the vid I did with this song click here ehehe).

Disclaimer: this is my interpretation of a song and a ship, other ships and interpretations are just as valid and never do I mean to put anyone down for having different opinions.

[ghosttotheparty]

while the world ends around us (make believe with me)

6. I can’t even leave my room so I keep pouring AO3

And I've been looking for someone to put up with my bullshit I can't even leave my bedroom so I keep pouring And I ain't seen a light of day since, well, that's not important It's been long - Feeling Whitney // Post Malone

Lucas actually wakes up this morning.

It’s nice. Much better than laying against his wall all through the night, his eyes stuck on his laptop, watching Netflix or Youtube, or on his sketchbook, watching his pencil or pen or paint trailing across the page, leaving lines and smudges in its wake. And then looking up blearily when he realises he can see across his dark room because the sun is peeking through his blinds.

Today he wakes up when his phone starts buzzing and chiming next to his head, half under his pillow. It startles him, and he gasps as his eyes fly open, sitting up and muttering, “Jesus…” as he shuts off his alarm and tosses it to the floor next to him. It clatters against the wood and he winces, looking up at his door and running a hand through his hair.

He grabs food from the kitchen and eats it during his first class, scribbling the homework on a piece of paper he finds on the floor and doodling flowers and eyes as he forgets to pay attention. The teacher's voice turns into white noise.

- - -

He drifts off again in another class, and wakes up to a chorus of voices saying “Thank you,” and “Goodbye.” He doesn’t bother joining them, instead just clicking the hang up button and dropping his head to his arm, sighing and closing his eyes for a second before pushing himself up and groaning.

It’s the third red button he’s pressed just today.

He thinks about how many he presses a day.

Five classes, five red buttons.

Five days a week.

For weeks and weeks.

And weeks.

Christ.

Lucas huffs and pushes himself to sit cross-legged in front of the computer. He pushes it out of his mind, the remembrance that this is… it. All he has. This and a few texts from Kes and Jayden, usually about school or other kids from school, often complaining. Usually complaining. Sometimes he gets texts from Isa, silly selfies or pictures of birds. She knows he likes birds. Sometimes he gets texts from Noah, pictures of his art, drawings and paintings and doodles, or texts from Janna, which are never expected but always make him laugh. Sometimes Liv texts him just to check in.

It.

Homework and classes and red buttons and once-in-a-while texts from people he doesn’t see anymore.

And Jens, he remembers as his phone buzzes. And he smiles, but he really shouldn’t, so he pushes it away as he reaches to the floor and grabs the phone, reading.

guess what i’m making… 🥚🍳👨🏻🍳

He lets the smile push its way back onto his face (there’s no one to see anyway) as he shakes his head.

you didn’t give me time to guess, dummy

He lays on his back and holds his phone above his head, sighing as the bubble appears on his screen.

i’m impatient

Lucas scoffs, shaking his head again.

anyway good morning 😌, Jens texts a few seconds later.

good morning 🌞, Lucas responds even though it’s not really that sunny out. how are you today

well i woke up to my sisters arm hitting me in the face and i just burned an egg so that’s just kind of how it’s going so far you?

Lucas smiles again.

pretty dry so far but who knows

Like it’s a trigger, Lucas’s door swings open loudly and he tilts his head back, looking at his father upside down.

“...Yes?”

“You have to do the dishes, yeah?” he says flatly.

“But I did them last night,” Lucas says, still holding his phone above his head. He doesn’t look at it, even as it gives a short buzz with Jens’s response.

“And I brought dinner for you.”

“You brought chicken home and I cooked it.”

It’s true. Lucas had to Google how to do it, and it was the blandest, driest chicken he’s ever had, but it sufficed. There was nothing else in the kitchen he could have made. Back home, there’s usually things in the cupboard to micwave.

“Lucas—” His dad pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes, huffing. Exasperated, like Lucas is the issue here. “Just do it.”

“Fine, whatever,” Lucas mutters, looking at his phone, but he doesn’t get to read the message before his dad snaps at him.

“Don’t whatever me,” he says sharply.

“Fine,” Lucas says, stopping him. “Yes. I will.”

He leaves without shutting Lucas’s door.

Lucas takes a second, huffing at the open hallway. He hates him. And he knows he Shouldn’t, because He’s His Father, but he can’t not. It’s his face. Even before Lucas knew about how much of a dick he is, his face told Lucas everything. Always angry, disappointed. Always bitter, like he tried to sue the universe and lost. His eyes always look pinched. Especially when he looks at Lucas.

He doesn’t know why, honestly. It’s not like he even really knows Lucas. Anything about Lucas that’s actually important. Not that Lucas would tell him anything important.

(He has a list of things he doesn’t ever plan on telling him. His being gay is the top one. He’s never heard his father talk about queer people, but he doesn’t have to to know that he’s probably a bigot. His art is another thing. He doesn’t want to listen to his father talk about how it’s not a Viable Career Option, or how it’s a Waste of Time.)

He looks at his phone after a second.

😔 boring days suck wanna call later and do hw together?

Lucas exhales, trying to sigh away his frustration.

yes ofc you said you can do math right?

He shuts the door (quietly) while he waits for Jens’s answer.

i’m a math genius call me fuckin newton

Lucas scoffs, shaking his head as he sits back on his mattress, leaning back so his head falls off the edge, upside down.

great so that means you’ll do my hw for me

Lucas bites his lip, trying to suppress the smile that appears in anticipation as Jens types.

hmmmm what’s in it for me?🤔

uhhhhh moral support

Lucas grins as you amaze me appears on his screen, followed by oh i can teach you math, which promptly makes him roll his eyes and reply with an exaggerated uuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhh.

Jens replies with oop i gotta go, and then, as Lucas prepares to send the eye-rolling emoji, see you after school🙃.

Lucas sends the emoji anyway, along with you’re the worst.

A few seconds later, his phone buzzes with love you too <3 , and his lingering smile falters. He sits up, swallowing and setting the phone down.

Because the pause in him, the skipped beat of his heart, the way the words tug at him even as he reads and rereads and rereads them, even as his brain knows the irony, the playfulness, the mindlessness in Jens’s saying it, can only mean one thing, and he hates himself for it.

Lucas is fucked.

- - -

So he ignores it, of course. It can’t be happening. It can’t. He’s known Jens for a few days. There’s no reason for his stomach to flutter the way it does when he gets a text from him, or when his name lights up his computer screen on Google Meets.

“He-ey,” Jens sings when Lucas answers, and a smile flickers across Lucas’s face involuntarily.

“Hey.”

“How you doing?”

“Fine,” Lucas answers, neglecting to mention the rest of his day, which was absolutely not fine. The door slams are still ringing in his head. “You?”

“Eh.”

“Hm,” Lucas chuckles. “Hey, who's your maths teacher?”

“Clark,” Jens says, looking at Lucas with his pixelated eyes. Even glitchy and blurry, Lucas can see that he’s beautiful.

“Great,” he says, ignoring it. “Have you done homework for lesson seven?”

“I absolutely have not,” Jens chirps. “I can do it and show you how to solve the problems.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Mhmm.” Jens puckers his lips, nodding and furrowing his brows. “Mhmm, mhmm. Well. I could do it and send you the answers.”

“That sounds great,” Lucas says, sarcastically sweet.

Jens snickers, reaching past his laptop, and Lucas watches as the collar of his shirt falls, a section of his skin exposed before he sits back, pulling a messy notebook, loose papers hanging out of it, and calculator with him.

“Wanna read while I work?” Jens asks, oblivious to the heat in Lucas's chest.

“Oh, yeah, I can do that.”

Lucas barely even processes the words he reads to Jens, his brain somehow paying more attention to the quiet, hushed murmurs of numbers coming from Jens.

He hears Jens mutter, “Divide by six…” and click his tongue in thought a few times just as Lucas reads, “‘...like moths against the whispering and the champagne and the stars.’”

He listens to Jens intently, even though half (or maybe just a quarter) of his mind is on the book, and even though he only catches every few words. Some words, sixty, sixteen, seventy seven, are sharp and cut right through their connection. His murmurs are nearly completely unintelligible, but Lucas listens like he’s actually trying to learn something.

It’s not until Jens says, “Lu?” softly, that Lucas realises he’s stopped reading completely, the book fallen shut in his lap with his index finger holding the page loosely, and he startles, looking directly into Jens’s eyes. His face burns up at the nickname, and at the fact that he had been so enraptured by Jens muttering maths to himself that he had forgotten completely to read.

“I— Yeah, sorry,” he says, looking away and opening the book, hoping Jens can’t see how hot his face is.

“Why’d you stop?” A smile is spread across Jens’s face. Like he knows.

“I—” Lucas stutters again. “You seemed to focussed, I didn’t wanna distract you.”

“Aw.” Jens tilts his head. “That’s sweet.” There’s a pause, and he looks down, flipping a paper that’s out of Lucases sight, before he says, “I’m almost done, I can send you pictures after so do this one.”

“Yeah,” Lucas says, trying not to let out another stammer. His face burns again. He hadn’t realised how long he’d been listening.

Jens clicks his tongue as he thinks again, and Lucas hears the clicking of his calculator and the scratch of his pencil on paper.

“Add on both sides,” he says quietly, and then, “Oh, that’s not right,” flipping his pencil over to erase it.

Lucas snickers.

“Don’t you laugh at me,” Jens says, a smile playing at his lips. “You know you can’t do better.”

“You’re not wrong.”

When Jens finally finishes the problem (he has to try again two more times; he’d skipped the problem to leave it for the end when he’d started) he texts pictures of it to Lucas, and Lucas closes the book, folding the corner of the page.

He can feel Jens watching him as he copies down the answers.

“Number four is seventy three?” he says, zooming in on the photo.

“Thirteen,” Jens says, his voice softer than Lucas expected.

“Oh, that makes more sense.” Lucas writes it. “Why the hell do your ones look like sevens?”

“I don’t know,” Jen says defensively, making a face. “It’s never been a problem before.”

“It’s weird.” He’s met with silence. “If you’re making a face at me, I can’t see it.”

Jens lets out a laugh, and Lucas grins. If sunshine made a sound, it would be Jens’s laughter.

“How do you know me so well?” Jens asks, still laughing.

Lucas giggles, snorting and shaking his head as he looks up to see Jens’s face brightening even more.

“That was so cute,” Jens says lightly, and Lucas feels like he’s on fire.

“Shut up. What’s number seven? It’s cut off in the picture.”

“Oh, shit, sorry. That’s…” Jens’s brows furrow. “Six, four… one—”

“You thought it was a seven, didn’t you?”

“Shut up. One point three two.”

“Thank you-u-u.”

Jens is quiet as Lucas copies the rest of the answers. He shakes his head at how messy Jens’s work is, shocked and honestly impressed with how his brian works, numbers and lines scattered across the page, the answers in neat, little boxes.

“Do any new drawings?” Jens asks abruptly as Lucas copies the last one.

“Huh?”

“Have you drawn anything new?”

“Uh..” Lucas finishes writing the final answer and boxing it like Jens’s. “Yes?”

“Oh?” When he looks up, Jens is resting his chin on his hands, smiling. “Tell me.”

Lucas pauses, biting his lip. He’s only done one, and it’s ripped and crumpled and shredded in the corner of his room in a plastic bin.

“I did one, but it was shit, so it’s in the trash—”

“What was it?”

“Uh, that’s not important.”

“...Okay.” He says it softly. Lucas is grateful. “Can you show me a drawing? Or like a sketch, or…”

Lucas smiles. Jens is clearly out of his element. But he’s trying.

“I might have a picture,” he says, moving the maths homework away. “Most of my sketchbooks are still in boxes.”

“You haven’t unpacked yet?” Jens asks as Lucas scrolls though his camera roll, photos of Utrecht mainly, with a few of homework and screenshots of messages from the guys scattered in there.

“No,” he says simply.

“Why?”

“Eh.” Lucas finds one of a drawing and looks at it, contemplating. It’s a sketch of Noah that he did a little after moving. He’d meant to send it to him, even considered mailing it with a little letter and some Antwerp souvenirs like a post card or something, but he never did. He sends it to Jens. “I don’t really plan on staying here that long, just until this summer.”

“Oh. Oh, woah.”

Lucas beams without wanting to, watching Jens’s head duck as he looks at his phone.

“That’s so good, Lucas.”

“Thank you,” Lucas responds, his voice small. He shifts in his seat on the mattress, fidgeting as Jens looks up at him.

“That’s so good.”

“Who is it?” Jens looks back down, moving his fingers across the screen, and Lucas can tell he’s zooming in on the photo.

“My friend from Utrecht, he’s an artist too.”

“Oh!” Jens looks up again. “Speaking of artists. I have a friend I think you’ll like.”

“You think I’ll like him because he’s an artist?”

Jens drops his phone.

“I think you’ll like him because he’s a cool guy, and you already have something in common.”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

“You wanna meet him?” Jens asks, almost excitedly.

Lucas stares at him, tilting his head.

“Not in person,” Jens says. “Obviously.” He makes a face. “Sometimes we have, like, a group Zoom call with the guys, do you wanna join sometime?”

Lucas pauses, hoping Jens can see the despair in his face.

The guys.

“Uh— Yeah, why not?”

Jens beams.

It makes the screen glow brighter.

[yszarin]

seen people on twitter talking about what got them through 2020, but twitter scary so I’m just gonna ramble about podcasts here. I’ve loved audio fiction since I was little, when my brother used to bring me big finish doctor who to listen to when I was sick, and they’ve really been great for me this year in terms of... want story but too tired to keep eyes open? podcast. need to do a mundane task but can’t stay on it? podcast. need something on before you sleep because if you leave your brain to its own devices it’ll eat itself? podcast. looking for queer rep? podcast. below the cut I’ve stuck 10 of my favourites of the shows I started listening to this year, and I promise they’re not all from Definitely Human.

Down - fiction, horror - a state of the art submarine with a less than state of the art crew descends into a newly-discovered Antarctic trench, “The Bottomless Pit” for the purposes of exploration and science! This goes about as well as you would expect. Episodes are super short and it’s entirely possible to listen to the whole thing in less than a day, although unfortunately it’s currently unfinished due to covid, so I guess it’s more that in less than a day you, too, could join me in unintentional hiatus hell. It is worth it.    

Enthusigasm - nonfiction, talk - Rusty Quill patreon exclusive show in which Helen Gould talks to people about things they enjoy. It just has the loveliest energy, and is exactly what I’ve needed this year. They’ve done episodes on subjects including baking, the horror genre and trash tv, and every one of them has been a joy, even when it’s about stuff I’m not into personally. How RQ manages to consistently produce The Best Content I don’t know, but by god do they do it.

Everything is Alive - interview - Gemma Amor recommended this and she’s usually right about such things. It’s a series of interviews with inanimate objects, all of which are animate now and have things to say. I’m particularly fond of the gay subway seats and was emotionally distraught by the cuddly toy. Very good to listen to to fall asleep.

Marscorp - fiction, sci-fi comedy - Station Supervisor E. L. Hob is awoken from suspended animation on Mars and must do her best to restore the colony’s original purpose of terraforming the planet. If you teased Jonny Sims for naming his main character after himself and also playing him please get ready to forgive him for everything, as you meet Tom Dalling, David Knight, and Dave Price, played by Tom Dalling, David Knight, and David Price, and written by Tom Dalling, David Knight, and David Price. I’m furious.  

Pax Fortuna! - actual play, adventure - a rotating group of characters leaves a horrified and occasionally maimed trail of NPCs behind them as they adventure in and around the prosperous island city of Fortuna. The shifting cast works really well, allowing for some PCs who are just objectively terribly people, while keeping the whole thing feeling really fun. Particular favourite PCs are Selwyn Bloodstorm, half-orc in search of gold accidentally ending up with friends, Alfonso Boyo, a necromancer but only in the most bureaucratic and horrifying way possible, and Almira Q Appleby, gnome inventor presenting such items as The Potato Peeler (may contain combat setting) to an unsuspecting public. The series comprises six interconnected smaller stories, each with multiple episodes, all of which are around 25-30 minutes long, which has been a particular joy for me, as someone who has difficulty with episode lengths of over an hour and is so often “I love AP podcasts. love to actually listen to one someday”. Pax Fortuna! is the caramelised nut bowl of actual plays, in that I found it very difficult to stop consuming it, now it’s all gone, and I’m sad. There are only two fics on AO3. Please listen to Pax Fortuna!.    

Shadows at the Door - anthology, horror - A collection of quiet horror stories, mixing older tales, both classic and less well-known, and modern ones. The soundtrack is by Nico, one of the editors on TMA and Good Egg, and it turns out, also Skilled Egg at soundtracks. Each story is followed-up by a discussion of its themes, and some tangents. Also very nice to fall asleep to, lots of suggestions of new things to look for, and the stories themselves are well-dramatised.  

The Monster Hunters - fiction, comedy - It took me a bit of time to settle into this - I have a tendency to bounce off comedy, apparently - but once I had I was very settled. Roy Steel and Lorrimer Chesterfield are there with fists and brains respectively to hunt monsters and be anything from vaguely to pointedly sexist because it’s the 60s/70s (it is intentional and ludicrous). If you’re familiar with John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme, you can listen out for Simon Kane as Sir Maxwell House. Some nice spooks, especially in the Christmas specials.

The Amelia Project - fiction, comedy - Need to disappear? The Amelia Project will help you fake your death and reappear in a new life. Each episode takes the form of an interview with a new client, in which they tell their story, and the circumstances of their death and next life will be decided. The creators had a stall at PodUK and gave me some Malteasers which it took me approximately 10 months to eat because I didn’t feel like I’d listened to enough of their show to deserve them. Fun fact! There are plenty of chocolate foodstuffs that will take this length of time in their stride and still be as new when you eat them, but Malteasers are not one of them. Luckily finishing off S2 of The Amelia Project has been its own reward, and I still have plenty to go!   

The Infinite Bad - actual play, horror - a slowly-forming found family leaves a traumatised and usually dead trail of NPCs behind them despite their best efforts, as they are embroiled in a globe-spanning investigation of horror and mystery. Uses a modified version of the d20 modern system, set in the inter-war period, and, it should be noted, contains depictions of period-typical racism. Other CWs (this list is not exhaustive) include child death, pet death, gore, disease, misc death (so much misc death), so please be careful if you choose to listen. Also contains stairs, the inherent malevolence of citrus products, and things which are viscous.

These Flimsy Rituals - actual play, fantasy - I’m not very far into this one, due to episode lengths, but when I have the spell slots to do so I always enjoy listening to it. I’m in the first bit, which follows a group of people fleeing a living storm. They have some really lovely lyrical bits at the starts of the episodes that I could listen to for hours, I’ve found those of the characters that I’ve met very engaging, and I’m interested to see how it unfolds.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

literally! i could go on a whole rant about my family back in india, but i’ll save you the horrible details. sexist, homophobic and racist assholes but they’re family and ridiculously charming so sometimes you can’t help but like them a little bit occasionally.

i remember being young and instantly wanting to label myself which obviously didn’t turn out to well. in a weird way i felt like i couldn’t ever “come out” to anyone- like it wasn’t until dan’s video that it rlly clicked that my identity as a lgbt person didn’t have to rely on labels. sorry that got deep, but i’m queer and i love it. just a baby queer 🥺🏳️‍🌈

ahhhh i hate to say it but you’re missing out! there’s a lot of rlly well written fics and cute headcannons :)

also yes there is a dnp in every universe. magnus is more like theatrical so like dan vibes. and ig phil is a bit more quiet and awkward? phil would also be catastrophic with a bow and arrow here let’s be honest. in conclusion, there is a dnp in every universe but phil somehow always gets himself in trouble (the man ate superglue for gods sake)

istg the first time i watch a joint video everything goes over my head cause i’m just freaking out over them and it’s only till like the third time when i start registering things lmao. (also dan video!! it’s going to be my first dinof upload!!)

a.. a toilet museum for the piece of shits we are. babe!!! you know me so well! *wipes away tears*

awhh tree you missed me! (also we’re newlyweds we’re allowed to be clingy on main smh. also i forget other people can read these lmao. shout out to the confused bystanders and lurkers!)

anyways, ilysm <3

mwah! (here’s your kiss)

- indi <3 <3

(with an extra long reunion hug cause i missed you loads)

p.s- guess what? i think you’re hilarious too :) (mwah! surprise kiss!)

no but you got it exactly right, i hate the things they say and do 90% of the time, but they'll say one (1) thing thats okay and im immediately back at square one loving them. it feels so weird sometimes to know they hate parts of me and love other parts, but i guess i kind of do that as well, and honestly im never going to be smart enough to sit down and figure it out, so i might as well roll with it

it was the same for me -- as soon as i figured out i was queer i instantly slapped labels on myself and interchanged them when they didnt fit faster than swatting a fly, which probably wasnt that great for my mental health at the time, and it was only after i spent two hours googling different labels and realizing i had literally tried all of the ones i'd been seeing that i was like oh screw it and legit a week later i was like why the FUCK didnt i do this before bc i was so much happier with a broad label to call myself and no label in my head than i ever was trying to mold myself into one. i love being queer tooooo!! best part about having such a broad definition of yourself is relating to everyone and not feeling like one group "owns" you more than the other. it quite literally is "you gay??? i gay!!! yay!!!!!"

no yeah im definitely going to read some (when i remember lol. symbrock owns my heart rn) if theyre Like That in the books i can only imagine fics 😌 malec my beloved (also looking forward to finding malex fics mixed between, like rick i know you're a cassie stan but maybe chill lol) (ah that reminds me, i just got chain of iron and the dedication 🥺 author besties are the best, i cant wait to read it) (but goddamn, its so Thicc, its one huge book)

gods, if i had any art skills whatsoever i would draw dan with warlock robes and cat eyes, plus can you imagine phil with runes and a seraph? wouldnt even have to change anything bc phil has black hair and blue eyes and magnus has brown hair 😌 they really are in every universe through and through. plus, alec is pretty clumsy too, hes mostly good with a bow bc of his sure-strike runes and etc, so theres still hope for phil. and i can definitely see dan being like "ugh shadowhunters get them out- oh? shadowhunter pretty? mine"

no but actually, i also watch them in a state of shock and wouldnt be able to answer any questions whatsoever about it until the third rewatch. honestly if it weren't for so many people live-reacting i would have absolutely no clue what's going on (ahhh your first dan video!! you are about to love your dinof virginity, i hope youre prepared 😌 glad its a full-out production for the post-big phannies bc honestly yall deserve a comeback in style)

*blushes* aw shucks. well, we got married for a reason, didnt we? 🥰

☺ i did miss youuu 🥺 (you jest but i'd be that annoying friend whos like you wanna know what my spouse did yesterday *no* oh well, they- and do that for at least a year, lmao. i also forget other people read these, it's like what??? no we were whispering?? shout out to the non-indians reading our telugu rants and quietly muttering whatthefuckwhatthefuck under their breaths, we're not on drugs i promise)

ily toooo <3

mwah mwah, i missed you so you get two <3

(*hugs you back really hard bc i missed you too*)

ilysm indi <3

😊🥰🥺 awww thank youuuu (ah! you got me again!! mwah) <3

[neriad13]

Favorite Media of 2020!

There was a large swathe of this year during which I was unable to concentrate on reading (as there probably was for a lot of other typically-frequent readers), so, as a result, I ended up listening to way more podcasts and watching way more TV shows. Not a bad thing, but boy did I read way less books than usual. 

However, for the first time in a while, the amount of fiction I read was about equal with the amount of nonfiction I read. Last year’s reading resolution was to read more fiction, so...success??

I did read a lot of phenomenal fiction when I had the energy to do so this year.

Books - Fiction

The Martian - Andy Weir

This book is the hardest of the hard sci fi I think I’ve ever read. Every single aspect of it is minutely researched and calculated. The author literally wrote equations to write this book. The science is insanely impressive and yet...it never loses its sense of humor or humanity in the mix. In fact, they’re the thing that drives the entire story.

Warlock Holmes - G. S. Denning

Way early in the year I was strolling down the fantasy aisle at the library, when this cover caught my eye. I took one look at it, went “oh, this looks silly” and...proceeded to devour the entire series in a matter of weeks. 

It is very silly. Especially when it’s pointing out something that was silly in the original. There’s something so satisfying about Watson immediately answering Holmes with the correct number of steps in their flat when he’s trying to make his point about how most people don’t pay attention to things like that.

World War Z - Max Brooks

Every single scenario in here could easily support an entire book. A park ranger whose job it is to contain the yearly zombie spring thaw? HECK YES. I’d read tens of thousands of words about that. A Chinese admiral who defaults, steals the government’s premier submarine, loads it up with the families of his underlings and takes to the sea for years to live in the maritime economy that has sprung up in a world where everyone is trying to escape the shore? That could be an entire movie on its own. 

Every chapter was more creative than the last and as a huge worldbuilding fan, this book was so, so fun.

An Unkindness of Ghosts - Rivers Solomon

In which a queer, neurodivergent protagonist solves a mystery on a spaceship which is a microcosm of antebellum era politics! This had a beautiful, mysterious, wonder-inducing writing style and it was a joy to peer into the wildly differing minds of every single character.

Books - Nonfiction

Underland - Robert MacFarlane

In every chapter, the author visits a different hole. Basically.

It’s an exploration of caves, catacombs, mines, nuclear waste facilities and the hidden underbelly of every forest. It was fascinating. And fundamentally changed how I look at time.

Rejected Princesses - Jason Porath

After years of having enjoyed the web entries, I finally got my hands on the first book and was not disappointed. 

There are the more entertaining entries, of course and the art is as charming as always, but what struck me the most were the more difficult stories. The deeper you go into this book, the more horrific it gets. The author does not hold back on the indignities suffered by the historical figures he writes about. It’s terrible...but also very, very illuminating.

The Gift of Fear - Gavin De Becker

This book - while maintaining all the essential information in it - could be pared down to one sentence in a sea of blank pages and that sentence would be: trust your instincts. End of story.

But in a world where instincts are either customarily suppressed or going haywire, it’s not quite that easy, which is why I’m glad there is more to the book.

I picked it up thinking “ha ha, betcha can’t help a person with anxiety who fears all the time already” and...what it actually ended up doing was giving me the tools to differentiate between real fear and unfounded fear. And did help with the anxiety quite a bit.

Fanfiction

Watch Over Me - cakeisatruth

A Bioshock fic from the point of view of a little sister who is learning how to trust and be an ordinary child again. Dark and sweet. An excellent combo.

All That is Visible - Ultima_Thule

An exploration of a minor character in a well researched historical context? That’s my jam! How did they know?? A Tron fic about what it’s like to be a female programmer in the 70s.

Graphic Novels

The Adventure Zone - McElroys + Carey Pietsch

Yesssssssss! It was a running-to-the-library type event whenever my library got a new volume in. The jokes are so good, the art is so lively and the ways in which they added the details that the podcast couldn’t necessarily get across is *mwah*

Trail of Blood - Shuuzou Oshimi

Hoooooooly shit, the art style of this one!! It’s beautifully detailed and expressive, sure, but the real draw for me was how it changes with the emotional state of the main character. There’s this sequence in which he’s consumed with anxiety at school and all of his classmates become blurry and unfocused, until they can’t be recognized as humans at all, that particularly sticks with me.

It’s a horror story about a kid who witnesses his loving mother push his cousin off a cliff for seemingly no reason and is then obligated by her to keep the secret, which is eating him from the inside out. It’s so good, guys, please read it.

Level Up - Gene Lien Yang/Thien Pham

A story about a kid who is haunted by his late father’s desire for him to become a gastroenterologist. It’s funny and touching and the ending gave me what I can only describe as a feeling of exhilaration. Y’know that feeling when something unexpected but not out of left field, perfectly in tune with the narrative arc and gut bustingly funny happens, all in the same panel? That one.

Film

Searching

This is a fairly standard thriller about a dad trying to find out what happened to his missing daughter. It’s also found footage...but not in the usual way, which was what made it so compelling to me. It’s told through the dad’s phone calls, google searches, social media interactions, news footage, security cameras and webcams. It was such a cool way to tell a story.

Train to Busan

There’s a lot that’s already been said about this movie and I don’t think there’s much more I can meaningfully add to that. Suffice to say that ya gotta take care of each other if you’re going to survive a zombie apocalypse!!

TV Series

My Brother’s Husband

As close to a perfect adaptation as a person can get (barring the entire conversation in English which was...oof). I was so happy when they took it a step further and showed Kana and Yaichi actually getting to meet Mike’s family.

Zumbo’s Just Desserts

I watched a lot of baking shows this year. Like...a lot. They were my much-needed comfort viewing for the year and this one was my favorite, even over The Great British Baking Show (which I LOVE). Why? Because the pastry chef for whom it’s named makes such bizarre and wonderful desserts and fosters an environment in which the competitors do the same. I’ve never seen anything like a lot of the desserts that make an appearance on this show. Every single episode was an awesome surprise and so help me, this show had better get a third season.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power

There’s also a lot that’s been said about this one, so I won’t say much more. Suffice to say: DAMN. That’s how you do an 80s toy tie-in cartoon remake.

Infinity Train

This show’s premise is probably the most unique I’ve seen in recent years. Its balance of comedy, horror and existential dread is also *mwah* I also love how much it trusts the viewer to figure things out on their own.

Primal

A late entry sliding in before the year ends! I finally got to watch the second half of the first season last weekend and it was EXCELLENT. The pacing, the brutal fight scenes, the adorable dinosaur antics, the animation, the quiet moments - *mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah*

The most emotional moment for me was the part in which the protagonists watch, with sorrow, as the rabid dinosaur who’s been trying to kill them all night dies an excruciating death.

Also it sets up a fascinating new plotline right before ending in a cliffhanger!! Another one for the ‘had better get a next season’ list.

Games

Night in the Woods

This is one that’s been on my to play list for a few years and I was so glad I finally got my hands on it. It’s like...The Millennial Experience (TM), the game. I felt so seen, playing it. The character writing was fantastic.

Prey

I don’t know why I put off finishing this for so long. I guess I wasn’t in the right alien killing headspace for a while?? Anyway, the setting is gorgeous, the alien biology is weird and cool, the ethics are delightfully murky and the interconnectedness of the station was really cool, especially in the OH SHIT moments at the end. 

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

I tried to narrow this down to one favorite arc, but found that I couldn’t do it. I love Balance for its comedy and creative energy. I love Amnesty for its drama and acting. I am loving Graduation for the depth of its world and the way in which the real story behind everything that’s happened is slowly unfurling. It’s a good podcast all around.  

The Magnus Archives

Who obsessively listened to every single season while playing Minecraft in about a month? Surely not me, nooooo. Of course not.

There’s also been a lot said on this one, so I’ll keep it brief. I’ve seen things in here that I haven’t really seen elsewhere in horror. My particular favorites were the creepy psychiatric hospital in which the horror comes not from the patients, but from the denial of the doctor to believe them about their mental illnesses and every single thing related to the Anthropocene. The one with the Amazonian village made out of trash - CHILLS.

[starlight-and-seafire]

As a personal challenge to myself, and because I’m pretty fond of writing about these two dorks in love, I wanted to see if I could complete all the available Damerey Daily prompts.

And, as of a few hours ago, they are all complete (and one prompt got two fics because I had two different ideas, and one prompt I did twice because I forgot I did the first one. Oops.)

All together, it’s 19,719 words over 93 separate works. Thank you to everyone who read, hit that kudos button, and commented!

The full list with links to the drabbles or ficlets, all relatively short with a few exceptions, are available below!

(Anything with three *** at the end are rated M or E)

January

Unspin the laws

No, his smile isn’t much like a skeleton at all.

Um… I’m gonna need vodka in a water glass, with ice, and I’m gonna be ordering ‘water’ from you all night long so… one… ‘water,’ please.

I write mostly on hotel paper, knowing that my thoughts will never leave this room.

You are the best thing that’s ever been mine.

Say that you’ll hold me forever; say that the wind won’t change on us.

I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seemed to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?

What’s that? In the distance? Such a ghostly glow.

I know.

Anywhere you go, let me go too. Love me: that’s all I ask of you.

“That’s right! It was a twist!” “No, it was a lie. A lie is not a twist.”

Sometimes a feeling is all we humans have to go on.

Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

There are so many lives I want to share with you. I will never be complete until… I do.

There will be boys who will tell you you’re beautiful, but only a few will see you.

Thinking that you can’t protect the ones you love, you have to hope they’re smart enough to save themselves.

Live with me and be my love.

Silence is a protective coating over pain.

He looked at you like you were the brightest planet in the galaxy.

And all the constellations shine down for us to see. Fic 1  / Fic 2

They are the hunters, we are the foxes (and we run). ***

It well may be that in a difficult hour… I might be driven to sell your love for peace… or trade the memory of this night for food… It may well be – I do not think I would.

And mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

As you wish.

I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.

“Sir? I’d like you to take the helm, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off.” “Work, work, work!” ***

‘Cause we got the fire, and we’re burning one hell of a something.

Take this sinking boat and point it home.

Most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling, the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I’m with you.

So this is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause.

I did not make it out unscathed! I am extremely scathed!

February

And this all started as your standard ‘who would survive the zombie apocalypse’ debate.

Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

We sow our truth, wait patiently.

Sweet creature, had another talk about where it’s going wrong.

I know that a life without love is no life at all. ***

They’re fascinating. It’s like being inside a dream or something. There’s truth but no logic.

You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually checked out that snow globe museum that you recommended, and it was pretty awesome, I have to say. I mean, I did get in trouble for shaking one.

Is this horny crying?? ***

Do or do not, there is no try.

I wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free.

Just when I think I’m out, those cheeks pull me right back in. ***

When I was growing up I didn’t have a normal mom and dad or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I’m standing here today knowing that I have everything I’m ever going to need. You are my family.

Make the baby do the magic hand thing! C'mon, baby, do the magic hand thing!

I’ve been thinking. What if I decided to go flying around the galaxy with some scoundrel?

This bridge will only take you halfway there.

Great, I’d like your $8-est bottle of wine, please.

Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, That’s impossible.

I keep meeting all the right people–at all the wrong times.

I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you–especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame.

Never repent of your own goodness, child. To stay true in the face of evil is a feat of great strength. Fic 1 / Fic 2

He saved me in every way that a person can be saved.

I lost so much of the world’s beauty, as if I were watching every shining gift on its branch with one eye. Because I was hungry. Because I was waiting to eat, a self crawling about the world in search of small things.

She had fallen in love with him twice. She loved him now with both loves, so overpowering it was almost unbearable.

Make ten men feel like a hundred.

the long syntax of las montañas that lined his village, the rhyme of sol with his soul—

“You’ve got this. You could debate the entire Senate in your sleep.” “I have!” “I know you have. We share a bed. It’s been hell.”

[Kylo Ren], Good to see you. But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?

I cannot make speeches. If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ***

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

March

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

It’s not about who you know. Enlightenment comes from within. [Luke Skywalker] texted me that.

This is not yours to fix alone. You act like you’re all alone out there in the world, but you’re not. You’re not alone.

“But what if you met the right man, who worshipped and adored you? Who’d do anything for you? Who’d be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?” “I’d pity him.”

“You Rebel scum!!” [Han]:“…Scum?”

I bet I’ll never appear in a dream or a summer dress or next door. Displaying on one hand my prowess, the other my difficultness, I bet there will be just enough pain to keep me alive, long enough for the moon to be mine.

“Hate that nickname. Addicted to lemon bars. I’m in!”

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

I will love you until there is no till. / Till I die.

“The first time we met we hated each other.” “You didn’t hate me, I hated you. And the second time we met, you didn’t even remember me.” “I did too, I remembered you. The third time we met, we became friends.” “We were friends for a long time.” “And then we weren’t.” “And then we fell in love.” “Three months later we got married.” “It only took three months.” “Twelve years and three months.”

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

If you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so that I never have to live a day without you.

Just as the whale, stuck in its baleen grin, climbs up out of the depths.

This is my boyfriend [Poe], and this is [Poe’s] boyfriend [NAME]. [Poe] is gay but he’s straight for me and he’s gay for [NAME] and [NAME] really gay for [Poe]. And I [love/]hate [NAME].

“I’m still mad at you, but I need to prioritize my hate right now. It goes [him/them/]her, cooked green peppers, and then back to you.”

She’s our friend, and she’s crazy!

If you’re ever lucky enough to find true love, you fight for it every day

Dying is easy, young man. Living is harder.“

“She’s at that age where she only has one thing on her mind.” “Boys?” “Homicide.”

Does [he/]she know that you told me you’d hold me until you died–and you’re still alive?

There is nothing more terrifying than the absoluteness of one who believes he’s right.

Our fates are sealed. But I think we have one move left: We can try.

The world is too quiet without you nearby.

“Why has the car stopped?” “It’s frightened.”

I am totally butt crazy in love with [Name]!!!

Any day spent with you is my favorite day. So, today is my new favorite day.

What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic, but it was also wrong.

But what was the point of living so quietly you made no noise at all? ***

I, myself, am strange and unusual.

We have no plan. No one’s coming to save us. So… I’m going to do it.